Grenadine January 1, 2010

I made grenadine last night… sort of.

I only had 2 cups of pomegranate juice so I did a half batch… and it took longer to reduce than I had expected. So the process got interrupted because we had to leave. And then when I started it up again, I forgot about it recently, so it reduced slightly more than I wanted it to. The result: A much darker flavor than I wanted. It’s still good, but it’s definitely slightly past syrup and on its way to molasses. Probably better for pancakes, fruit, or salads than for mixing into soft drinks (I’m having a Pepsi with some right now, and it’s okay, but it does have that dark flavor to it that’s almost too much).

For New Year’s Eve we went to our friends’ for a fairly low-key evening; just the 5 of us,  far too much food to choose from, and a few games. We played Catch Phrase and then played Perquackey, which is a fantastic game not unlike Text Twist which I would definitely not mind owning. We ate various delectable selections, including of course shrimp in various forms (a Trouten family tradition). We had jumbo butterfly shrimp, and our standard shrimp platter (spread cream cheese on a plate, spread cocktail sauce on top, cover with tiny shrimp (the canned kind), and eat with Chicken In A Biskit), and for a bit of a departure, we had Tuscan Parmesan Crusted shrimp. Dad and I saw them when we were picking out our standard shrimp. They were delicious, and I definitely want to have them again sometime.

We left around midnight and were home for the ball-drop. Had some sparkly (read: Kristian Regale Sparkling Apple Juice) and then the parentals went to bed, meanwhile I bummed around on the internet and on my ukulele waiting for it to be midnight in various timezones.

Which reminds me:

RABBITS!

The Game’s Afoot December 31, 2009

I went to see Sherlock Holmes today with my dad and my two brothers. If you’re wondering if it’s worth seeing in the theaters, the answer is a resounding yes. It was fantastic, and I already want to see it it again because I’m sure there are things I missed.

Before the movie I made the Double Ballpark Dogs I mentioned yesterday and they were fairly delicious. I will probably up the bacon/onion mixture next time (I was estimating on the amounts since I only made 2 and the recipe is for 4). I did omit the hot sauce – I’m not a huge fan of hot sauce in general and thought it stood up well without it. We did decide we needed bigger buns – mine held up alright but Dad ended up eating his with a fork.

After the movie Dad and I went to the Music-Go-Round near the theater. We mostly went to inquire about the possibility of them having a particular screw – my dad’s guitar (that he’s had since college) is missing one to hold the tuning gear in place and the hardware store can match them because the thread is different. They said possibly, and that we should pop in on the weekend when the repair guy is around.

Dad had been talking about possibly getting a new guitar, so we popped into the acoustic room. Just, you know, to look around. I found a ukulele and played around with that a bit. It was, of course, nicer than my starter ukulele (which is itself fantastic), and had a better heft and a fantastic sound, so I’m thinking that down the road a bit, when I’ve mastered the instrument more, I might think about an upgrade.

So we were looking at acoustics, and one of the workers came in, and he pointed one out to my dad. It was, in fact, the first one that had caught my eye when we walked in – a gorgeous red guitar (as in red wood, not red fire engines), slightly smaller than a normal guitar but not by much. He said that it’s one that he likes to play and often wishes he could buy it.

We bought it.

When we brought it out of the acoustic room another guy working in the store said, “Are you leaving with my favorite guitar?” Good words to hear. I looked up the website when I got home; it’s made by Art & Lutherie, a Canadian company. They handcraft all of their guitars, out of 95% Canadian wood (I’m assuming the other 5% accounts for the rosewood they use in their necks). Also of interest is the fact that they apparently only use wood from trees that have previously fallen (at least for the Canadian wood). Anyway, here’s a picture. Pretty, ain’t she?

For you guitar-heads reading this:

A&L Ami Series Spruce Burgundy
Back & Sides : Wild Cherry
Neck : Silver leaf maple
Top : Spruce (Pressure Tested Solid Top)
Fingerboard & Bridge : Rosewood
Finish : Semi-Gloss Custom Varnish Finish

She sounds absolutely gorgeous, too.

So we finally went home and I went into my room and sitting on my desk was a pair of fantastically cute flip-top gloves – the kind that are fingerless but have the mitten part you can flip over the top of them. They’re purple and stripey and fantastic.

All in all it’s been a very wonderful day. Let’s see what tomorrow brings! (One things for sure – lots of shrimps)

Food, glorious food December 30, 2009

In my last post I mentioned I was planning to do some tasty experiments. I haven’t really delved into those, but I did figure out what I want to make and get ingredients for them, and I might have had a little fun in the kitchen today.

The Recipes:

Lemon Meringue Pie
Hot Artichoke-Spinach Dip
Apple-Cinnamon Muffins
Macaroni & Cheese
Easy Kielbasa Soup
Double Ballpark Dogs
Fake Creme Brulee
Easy Tandoori Chicken
Grenadine (“Pomegranate Syrup”)

So that’s the list of things to try. Today I made myself mac-and-cheese from a box, but I didn’t want just boring-old-mac-and-cheese, so I got a little creative, and it turned out quite tasty.

Tracey’s Think-Outside-the-Box Macaroni and Cheese

1 box macaroni & cheese (I prefer spirals)

Butter & Milk required for mac & cheese

About ½ cup grated smoked Gouda

Kielbasa (however much you want) cut into bite-size pieces

1 tbs olive oil

1 clove garlic, minced

Worcestershire sauce

Salt & Pepper to taste

1. Heat a small non-stick skillet over medium heat. Add olive oil and garlic, let cook (stirring occasionally) about 30 seconds. Add a splash of Worcestershire sauce and  the Kielbasa and cook, stirring occasionally, until kielbasa is heated through.
2. Prepare mac & cheese according to the box’s directions, but only stir in about half of the cheese sauce packet’s contents. Mix in the Gouda, stirring and adding it in small amounts to incorporate it.
3. Mix the kielbasa into the mac & cheese and add salt and pepper to taste.

Store any leftovers in an airtight container in the fridge. TIP: When reheating macaroni and cheese, add a splash of milk before heating (in the microwave, or stove-top if you prefer). It will vastly improve the texture.

Tomorrow I’ll be making the Double Ballpark Dogs for myself and my father and perhaps my brothers before we all head off to see Sherlock Holmes. I might try making the Grenadine as well depending on how timing works out.

Break thus far December 21, 2009

Break has barely begun and already it’s been phenomenol.

On Friday I ran a few errands, including to the post office and to Michael’s. When I got to the post office, I saw none other than miss Bethany Ringdal walking out of the post office.

Note that Bethany, my very bestest friend from high school, has been in India this entire semester. And got back to the states the day before. So this was a big deal. I yelled and her and she screamed and she jumped in my car. And then I parked and we got out and hugged. Probably looked crazy to anyone watching (probably because we are).

She said she had to go to Michael’s… where I was going… so we went together, and I grabbed my one item and then we stood and gazed at all the pretty beads and did our best to not get sucked in. As we were standing there, I got a text from my friend Bethany from Northwestern that read “so I hear Bethany Ringdal is pretty good at poetry”. Talk about freaky timing. It was quite serendipitous overall.

And then my cousin Sarah and I went to her sister Sonja’s house, and we went to the Holidazzle. Which was good. There was an awesome djembe player where we were. And there was also a guy singing outside of Macy’s (we were going to go to the display but the wait was over an hour and we decided we didn’t care that much). And then we went back to Sonja’s, and their brother John came over, and we stayed up until 2 watching Hook. Got up in the morning and made cookies and pierogi.

Then on Sunday Bethany Ringdal called to see if I wanted to come over and make cookies with her and her family (whom I adore, by the way) and her boyfriend, Brendan. And of course I did.

When I got there, Tom (Bethany’s dad) gave me a big hug and said “welcome home”. And it very much was like that. I hadn’t been there in far too long and I missed it. We made cookies upon cookies, some with cardamom Bethany brought from India, and we sang, and we told music jokes, and we caroled to the pizza guy and gave him cookies, and we laughed a lot.

And Bethany gave me my Christmas present – a Bollywood movie she brought back from India called Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I am excited beyond excited to watch it with her.

Today was much more laid-back and involved rediscovering computer games (Age of Empires) and watching some television (Craig Ferguson) and then watching Julie & Julia with my parents. It’s fantastic. Go watch it if you haven’t seen it yet.

I’d already decided to do some cooking over break, but the movie of course inspired me even more. So I’m working up a list of dishes to try… I don’t know who will help me eat all of it, but it’ll definitely be one tasty break.

So that’s my break thus far =)

How about you?

A bit of a facelift December 21, 2009

I’m searching out a new layout for the site. This one’s alright but it’s just not… quite me.

Also, you may have noticed a change in title. And with it comes a change in purpose.

This was, originally, “to put it bluntly”. Those posts are still up, but that’s a category now rather than the entire blog. The reason being that while I do still have those times when I just need to say what’s on my mind, I decided I really didn’t want to isolate all of that into one blog that I’m sure would slowly become more and more cynical.

Not to mention the fact that there are many times that I have nothing to get off my chest in that manner and so this blog would often be ignored… like it has been of late.

So, a new title, “Musings of a Human Being”, and a new look (to come later). And the new purpose?

Life.

Ups and downs (hopefully more ups), anecdotes and interesting things I find and all that sort of thing.

Should be fun, no?

The Sad Truth of Human Nature October 11, 2009

In my Story Structure class last week, we had a discussion on The Epic of Gilgamesh.  In the epic it is mentioned that the king (that would be Gilgamesh) had the right to sleep with a bride on the first night of her marriage. Then it is mentioned that Gilgamesh “abused and extended” this privilege. In layman’s terms, he was raping the women.

The question was raised, “If you saw someone treating women the way Gilgamesh does, what would you do?” Someone said “call the cops” and everyone else sort of agreed, and kind of laughed nervously.

There was silence.

I suggested maybe the question needed to be rephrased in order to capture its actual question, so I said, “If you saw a guy unashamedly and repeatedly abusing and mistreating women, what would you do?” After a pause, someone said it would depend on how well they knew him. If they knew him, they’d confront him.  There was silence again, but there was an air of discomfort this time. Finally, I spoke up again, not really knowing what I was going to say.

“As someone who was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship, this is kind of a heavy subject for me.” I paused, and took a deep breath. “We like to say we’d step in, or report it, or confront the person. But the simple truth is that you won’t. We’re taught, in self defense, to shout “fire” instead of “help”. Because when most people hear someone yelling “help” they try to stay away.

“You have no idea how much I wish someone had tried harder to get to me when I was going through it. If someone had kept coming to me and saying ‘He’s not treating you right. That’s wrong. You shouldn’t be dealing with this.’ But the few people that gave any effort gave up far too quickly.  Women in those relationships don’t recognize them for what they are. It takes a lot to make them see it. I ended up having to see it for myself, and it took so long, and it was so painful, and now 3 years later I’m still dealing with stuff because of it.”

I don’t know how I ended it exactly, but I know that when I did, there was a very serious, solemn silence. After a moment my teacher said “thank you”, and we moved on. That was that. No one mentioned it to me after class. I wonder if they’re just too intimidated by the subject.

What I said is all too true. I am sure there are people who tried once or twice to say something to me about what an awful situation I was in. But once or twice isn’t enough. Even once I recognized it for what it was I didn’t really “go to” anyone about it. I talked with my best friend about it some, but she was entrenched in her own ways with her own things so her energy was focused elsewhere.

I did eventually see it for what it was, and started the painful process of getting out of the relationship. It’s not a “break-up and that’s it” kind of thing, especially because in my situation it was never a “romantic” relationship. And in any case, even declaring to him that the relationship is over doesn’t mean that it’s over and done with and gone forever. I have come a long way in the years since, but for a long time it was a daily battle. I had a hard time trusting guys for a long time. And I’m sure there are things that I’ll still need to tackle. Having someone reach out to me and support me wouldn’t have necessarily made any of this easier, or made it take less time, but I’m sure it would have made it more bearable.

Reaching out merely once will do very little. Constant friendship is the only thing that makes a difference, true friendship. Support coupled with constant reminders that things aren’t right. Sometimes that will be gentle, sometimes it will be more like a slap in the face.  But the point is that only trying once won’t cut it. You’ve gotta keep at it, and be patient. It took me something like a year to really realize things weren’t right and decide I needed to do something about it (and much longer to actually be done with it completely). And I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

A Controversial Stance, I Know. October 9, 2009

I’m going out on a limb here, I know, but I have to take a stance.

Getting drunk is just plain stupid.

Being so inebriated that you can’t walk to your own house and once you get there you miss the toilet is just idiotic. That much is obvious.

But getting “sort of” drunk isn’t much better. You do stupid things. You call people you shouldn’t call. You sleep through important things the next day. You ignore urgent texts and phone calls. All your stories about the “funny things” that happened when you were getting hammered? Not so funny. Mostly just depressing.

And it’s heartbreaking to watch you go through it, to hear about it, and to not know how to make you see how much it’s ruining your life.

Waiting for “Someone Else” October 3, 2009

It is extremely frustrating to be told time after time that I would be a fantastic catch… for someone else. To have guys exclaim, in reference to something I do or say, “I wish I had a girlfriend like that!”

I know they’re all sincere. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them saying it. Every time a guy says that I take it as the compliment it is. My qualm is not with the guys who are saying such things. But when I step back and look at the whole picture, at the sheer number of times I have been in that situation (I can’t even count them, but it must be in the hundreds), and compare that to the number of times I have had a guy show legitimate interest in me (once… 5 years ago… and he lived 1500 miles away the entire time), it’s hard to not be discouraged. It’s hard to look at that and not think “there must be something intrinsically wrong with me”, to wonder what it is that makes me a “great catch for someone else” but never truly a catch for anyone at all.

There’s this girl I knew a while ago. She’s not what I would call unattractive, but quite honestly she doesn’t have anything looks-wise on me (nor do I on her; we’re in the same boat as far as fitting into the Societal Standard for Attractiveness). And I am not meaning to build myself up or put her down, but the truth is I have been told by several people that they think I have a more attractive personality than she does. So the question is: Why did she seem to get guy after guy while I’ve sat dateless for 5 years? She’s getting married now, and I’ve barely even ever had a boyfriend.

What is this mental block guys have? I once sat next to a guy who (at the time) I was very interested in while he explained to another guy what a relationship should look like, and what traits to look for in a girlfriend. Everything he said applied to me, and yet at the time he was chasing after some girl that didn’t fit any of them at all. But she was thin and “pretty” and I don’t know what, but I guess there was something that made her oh-so-appealing, even though everyone could see it was going nowhere.

And that story repeats itself. I can’t tell you how many of my male friends I’ve watched go after girls that are horrible fits for them but are “appealing” in some other way. How many times I’ve been interested in a guy only to watch him fall in love with my best friend or the girl across the hall or some chick he’s never even talked to.

I guess I just have to keep hoping that at some point the cycle will be broken, and by some miracle a guy will actually take interest in me and have the nerve to do something about it. I suppose I should say something about how I’m content being single and am being patient and waiting on God to bring the right man in at the right time and blah blah blah blah BLAH. It’s all true, but it’s so cliché. So I guess I’ll end with a poem I wrote not too long ago:

The Girl Does Not Turn Heads

I am not a girl who inspires poetry or song
With a glimpse of my (imperfect) smile
Or a toss of my (non-descript) hair.
(You wouldn’t catch me dead in a bikini.)

I don’t giggle.
I don’t scream when the lights go out
or when I get wet,
and I’d rather go hiking than to a spa.
(Tanning is just a side-effect of doing things.)

But I hope you know I’d drive all night to see you.
I’d make your favorite food, just because.
I’d climb a tree, or watch a movie,
or help you set things on fire.

I’d sit and listen to your passions,
and jump in to make them reality.
I’d smile just because you walked into the room,
and love our silences as much as our laughter.

And I guess I already do all of that,
but I don’t suppose you’ve ever really noticed.

So I’ll watch you chase the pretty ones,
and give you advice,
and comfort you every time they let you down.

And we’ll just be friends, like we’ve always been.

And you’ll never be the wiser.

“To Put It Bluntly” (Category explanation) October 3, 2009

We all have things we long to say, get off our chests, but don’t for fear of backlash or ridicule. We live in a society that says to be yourself, to express yourself, to not bottle up emotions (because we’ve seen the damage that does). but then the moment you start to follow that advice judgment and labels come flying at you (chief among them “emo”). So the masks go on.

Catharsis is needed. The success of projects like PostSecret screams that as a whole we humans yare crying out to say things we feel we cannot publicly declare (for whatever reason). yet when those secrets are allowed to be shared we find a connection with the rest of the world. I experienced this firsthand in high school, when for my creative writing class I wrote a rather emotional poem about some struggles I’d had. For whatever reason I chose it as one of my poems to recite in front of the class. It scared me so much to be that open in front of those people. We had to write a note to someone about their poem at the end of the period, and I got note after note saying how grateful they were that someone was willing to be honest about that kind of thing, about how they wish they had the courage to do that, say that.

We all long to be understood, but that can’t happen when we continually hide anything that leads to understanding. Not that we should all be walking around telling everyone our every feeling. Please no. But neither should we stay closed off to everyone, and be so paralyzed by fear of judgment that our emotions eat away at us until we either become empty, apathetic shells or full-on unstable.

The flip side of all of this is that we don’t just bottle up negative emotions. We’ve lost the ability to express our deepest joys and little victories, our convictions on things that truly matter to us, for fear of stepping outside of what’s “acceptable”. Too happy is just as frowned upon as too sad, and either way people tell you you shouldn’t be so expressive about it because “There are other people suffering” and you’re being insensitive (or too sensitive, or both). But I read through the Psalms and my soul cries to be expressed like that.

So this is my place to be blunt. Without revealing too much, without being “emo”, this is my place to tell it like it is. To unashamedly admit things I know I’m not alone in (or even fear I may be). This is me, being real, both the good and the bad.